bump

March 29, 2005

had a bump into the creek-y past.  alv dropped by to drop off some magazines and we chatted briefly and as he was about to leave he mentioned that pacey’s wife had given birth and there was probably this strange look on my face and i knew i had to explain myself and what came out was “i don’t really care.  this news means nothing to me.” and alv’s eyes were round as saucers and he ended up staying for about 15 minutes as i gave him a quick rundown of why i am saying such…horrible-sounding…things.  alv is a friend so i don’t mind telling him and he has such a hilarious way of reacting to each main point in the story that it was almost refreshing to relive the old chapters of my life.  at least there are no longer cold constrictions around the heart in the telling and no more goosebumps of rage that flashes each time i remember.

j has actually suggested that i could write a book about it, give it a lot of twists a la bantock, a la gaiman, a la hodgson.  after tonight’s spontaneous story-telling i am considering it.  it still has a lot of fuel in it. still strong scents and textures and sounds.  maybe it’s worth a draft or something.

naming

March 4, 2005

when i have kids and if they are boys i will name them Constantine and Corinthian.

unless i could get away with naming one of them Lucifer.

if i have daughters i will name them after the Kindly Ones.

visitation

i watched constantine last tuesday and that same night i had a visitation.  must have been all those thoughts crossing over and disturbing the thin veil between the worlds. i was startled awake between two and three in the morning, my own witching schedule.  i hate being startled awake during these hours because that’s when everything seems to be active.  i woke up and immediately noted that the streetlamps outside the windows were all extinguished and there was nothing but a black sheet of dark.  then i saw the curtain shimmer like there was a semi-invisible glob of water as big as a head gliding along its length and it floated at the foot of my bed and then it made a quick dive on my foot!  i felt it. i felt this very very light bump and nudge on my foot and then a bit up my leg and then it soared up again and was gone.

my hands went cold and a voiceless “mommy!” squeaked out of me and then i realized that everyone would be fast asleep.  so i turned on the TV and wrapped myself tightly in the blanket and pretended that it was only the movie playing tricks on me.